Importance Of Mutual Respect In Marriage | Focus on the Family | columns

Q: I’m concerned about how our daughter treats her husband. Most of the time she is disrespectful and mean to him. He’s a good, kind man but somewhat passive, so he just takes it from her. This situation upsets our entire family — how should I approach it?

Jim: This is a delicate scenario that will require careful thought — and quite likely some professional counsel. In considering your response, it’s important to view your daughter not as your child but as an adult peer. I’d also suggest you try to look at her and her husband as if they were n’t related to you. By taking this perspective, you’ll be less likely to inappropriately inject yourself into their relationship.

If you think your daughter would be open to hearing your concerns, talk to her about your feelings. Again, it’s critical that you approach the conversation as a caring friend and not a condemning parent. Share your thoughts about the importance of mutual respect in marriage as a general concept. If your daughter responds positively, you can discuss the problem further and offer ways you might be of encouragement and help.

However, if she still proves resistant, I’d recommend you ease off. In many cases, enlisting a trusted third party to whom your daughter might be more inclined to listen — a mutual friend or a pastor — could prove to be a more effective means of intervening.

Meanwhile, you might want to take the “my house, my rules” approach. You can’t dictate how she talks to her husband in general. But you can say: “In our home, we have a rule that everyone is to be treated with respect.” If your daughter refuses to comply, stop inviting her to family gatherings.

For more insights, I invite you to call staff counselors for a free consultation; the number is 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: I’m worried that the transition from summer break to preparing for the school year will be difficult for my kids. How do I start building momentum to help my kids start off the new school year well?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: As kids head back to school, some look forward to seeing their friends again and beginning a new year of learning. But other kids dread the return to school for a variety of reasons, including the fear of rejection and/or failure.

Returning to school means a blitz of influences and messages your child will need to sift through as they search for meaning, worth and competence. As a result, it’s essential to build a foundation of communication within your family as you begin the new school year together.

Foundations begin with life-giving habits. One life-giving habit you can model and encourage for your home culture this school year is the “one thing a day” question. Ask yourself daily: “What is one thing I can do today to make this a better day for my spouse and/or each of my children?”

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Q: I’m concerned about how our daughter treats her husband. Most of the time she is disrespectful and mean to him. He’s a good, kind man but somewhat passive, so he just takes it from her. This situation upsets our entire family — how should I approach it?

Jim: This is a delicate scenario that will require careful thought — and quite likely some professional counsel. In considering your response, it’s important to view your daughter not as your child but as an adult peer. I’d also suggest you try to look at her and her husband as if they were n’t related to you. By taking this perspective, you’ll be less likely to inappropriately inject yourself into their relationship.

If you think your daughter would be open to hearing your concerns, talk to her about your feelings. Again, it’s critical that you approach the conversation as a caring friend and not a condemning parent. Share your thoughts about the importance of mutual respect in marriage as a general concept. If your daughter responds positively, you can discuss the problem further and offer ways you might be of encouragement and help.

However, if she still proves resistant, I’d recommend you ease off. In many cases, enlisting a trusted third party to whom your daughter might be more inclined to listen — a mutual friend or a pastor — could prove to be a more effective means of intervening.

Meanwhile, you might want to take the “my house, my rules” approach. You can’t dictate how she talks to her husband in general. But you can say: “In our home, we have a rule that everyone is to be treated with respect.” If your daughter refuses to comply, stop inviting her to family gatherings.

For more insights, I invite you to call staff counselors for a free consultation; the number is 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: I’m worried that the transition from summer break to preparing for the school year will be difficult for my kids. How do I start building momentum to help my kids start off the new school year well?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: As kids head back to school, some look forward to seeing their friends again and beginning a new year of learning. But other kids dread the return to school for a variety of reasons, including the fear of rejection and/or failure.

Returning to school means a blitz of influences and messages your child will need to sift through as they search for meaning, worth and competence. As a result, it’s essential to build a foundation of communication within your family as you begin the new school year together.

Foundations begin with life-giving habits. One life-giving habit you can model and encourage for your home culture this school year is the “one thing a day” question. Ask yourself daily: “What is one thing I can do today to make this a better day for my spouse and/or each of my children?”

…continued

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